Tonight I Miss My Mom
/Tonight, I miss my mom. It’s not that I don’t miss her everyday. There isn’t an hour that goes by that I don’t think of her. But there is something about the holidays. When you’ve had someone in your life that is so very special, times and seasons come and go and you are left with only memories and the reminder that another stretch of time has passed and they aren’t here. Most of the time I do really well but, there are breakthroughs. Those times that even though I am grateful for everything I have… a loving husband, beautiful and kind children and a happy home, there remains a void. Tonight I’m aware of the things that are missing.
Tonight my mother and father will not be stopping by to see the children, on their way home from the grocery store. She always needed last minute items for her squash casserole. Tonight, she won’t be combing the Piggly Wiggly for their last pumpkin pie and cool whip, for Larry and Sherri’s traditional Thanksgiving breakfast. My mother will not be calling me in the am to wish me a Happy Thanksgiving and to make sure that I remember to turn on the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade. She did not call me this fall to remind me to tune into the It’s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown and the A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving specials. There will be no text in the morning with her approximate time that Santa will be arriving on television. All of those things are gone.
It’s my pleasure to bestow all of those special traditions to my children and in the next few minutes I will dry my eyes and collect myself but right now, I just miss my mom. There is something about a mother’s love and complete devotion that holds all things together. The glue. Or at least that is what happened in my life. When you felt like your whole world was falling apart she would show up and put all of the broken pieces back together and give a fresh perspective. And on Thanksgiving Eve, I need her.
I need her to tell me that the whole house doesn’t need to be perfect for me to be able to enjoy the season. I need her to tell me that it’s ok to let some things go. I need her to tell me that even though I feel sad there is a great big world out there and tomorrow I will feel so much better. I wish I could hear her voice. She remains the voice in my head but tonight, I wish I could hear HER. I have so much to share and so much to learn.
Tonight, I struggle with feeling robbed. A feeling like I had the perfect hand of cards, the best present under the tree or the lucky penny…and that someone took it.
But, I also know that our minds are limited. Our outlook is angled. Our view restricted. I choose to trust in the Lord. His ways are higher. His mind limitless. His outlook eternal.
I’m reminded of Isaiah 55: 8-9
For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the LORD. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.
I choose to live in thanksgiving. There is a worship song that I heard this past Sunday morning that really touched my heart. The name of the song is New Wine. Below are the lyrics.
In the crushing
In the pressing
You are making new wine
In the soil I now surrender
You are breaking new ground
So I yield to You and to Your careful hand
When I trust You I don’t need to understand
Make me Your vessel
Make me an offering
Make me whatever You want me to be
I came here with nothing
But all You have given me
Jesus bring new wine out of me
In the crushing
In the pressing
You are making new wine
In the soil I now surrender
You are breaking new ground
You are breaking new ground
Where there is new wine
There is new power
There is new freedom
The Kingdom is here
I lay down my old flames
To carry Your new new fire today
-Hillsong
Lord, this holiday season I ask that you would to stand by your word and bring out of all of us, new wine. I ask that you forgive us when we question you plan. Bless us as we look to you for guidance in our lives. Remind us this year, exactly what this season is all about. Amen.
