The Day I Let My Karen Show - A Gathered Hens Adventure
/A Gathered Hens Adventure
The day I let my Karen show.
Sure, I’m pretty even tempered most of the time. And yes, I do realize that I’m not going to win every pick. But listen...I wanted that table - MORE! Sigh. Happy as I was that Cheryl had found her six white ruffled slipcovers that would fit perfectly on all of her dining chairs (she’d been searching for some for TWO years), I (sigh) was destitute with grief. You see, I’d found this pretty white table that was PERFECT for my concrete vase that holds all of those beautiful white flowers - amazing! It was a fantastic price and in mind it was as good as “get in my car , done” you know what I’m talking about! (I’m shootin you the...raise my party brow look)
WELL, that’s when the store lady said “Oh, you know what, I think someone else might want that”! Do what now? Say what? Where SHE at, your pocket? I don’t see no someone else. And I DON’T see no hold tag neither! (This sort of grammar is EXACTLY what a Southern Belle might use if you “mash” her buttons) In case you ever encounter one.
“Oooh, let me CALL her on the PHONE and SEE if she wants it” said the clerk lady. MmmHmm. “Don’t call her” I said. “Well, good Lord, it’s as good as gone then”.
Now. Do you think she listened to me? Nope. Huh-Uh. She said “Listen, I have to deal with this woman on a regular basis and she is as mean as a snake and she would KILL ME DEAD if I let you buy this table”. Now I’m thinking Lady, I AM TRYING to buy this here table...and I don’t give a rat’s tootie about any of the words that are coming out of your (really starting to tick me off) southern mouth.
Guess what.
She called her!
Guess what else.
She sold it!
Oh, HELL-no! (I told y’all to watch out if you ever hear a SC girl say that) T.R.O.U.B.L.E
Have you seen crazy before lady? Because I AM a gettin’ ready to grab the narrow leg of this painted white table and drag it across this PACKED OUT store and hook it to the top of my FULL to the MAX suv and take it’s pretty self ALL the way back to South Carolina where it is destined to be. YOU gonna wanna HOLD ON!
Now listen, Cheryl (my Mother in law) is in the other room and is COMPLETELY clueless as to what my mind is telling me to do. She is over there “tip toeing through the tulips” (that’s my favorite saying to say about my peach of a MIL) OH, she’s swishing around in white chiffon bed linens and ruffled slipcovers (I swear at one point she had lace on her head). Sigh. So, I quick shoot her a devil of a look and made a gesture that said that I was as mad as a wet HEN and that WE were gettin ready to “Odios Amigos” it up outta there and ALSO leave behind every other item that I had lined up on the counter to purchase, at that traitor establishment. And I meant now!
It took several attempts for her to read my lips and understand that I meant business. “OH NO” she says. Imma gettin’ these $10 slipcovers! You can bop her on the head if need be, but these slipcovers...are going home with me!
OH LAWD CHERYl, all right. SMH. Dadgum that $10 deal.
SO, here are the things that I learned from our day trip to Georgia.
1. Cheryl realllllly wanted them slipcovers.
2. You have to be as “mean as a snake” and be willing to “kill people dead” to buy a table in GA
AND LASTLY.
3. Those sliver plate toothpick holders (that were in my original “hold this at your counter, I’m buying it but still looking” order) can be bought ANYWHERE and as far as I’m concerned, “Lady, you can stick ‘em where the sun don’t shine”.
OH ME!
As always, if you find my storytelling amusing, feel free to share it. I’d like to buy my honey a new boat one day.
